Change or Die
“To change is difficult. Not to change is fatal.” Anonymous
I had to make an unexpected trip to Texas recently to be with my family when my Dad was hospitalized with chest pains. The good news is he had a pacemaker put in and is stronger and feeling much better. The bad news is that his arteries, originally bypassed 20 years ago, are now clogged again. What's worse is the arteries aren't healthy enough to undergo any further surgeries or procedures. So the prognosis isn’t great and the instruction from his doctor was to go home, get stronger and live out your life.
Twenty years ago after Dad had his bypass surgery his doctor told him he must dramatically change his diet and exercise habits in order to keep these arteries healthy. In our house, fried anything was a staple. Fried steak, fried chicken, fried fish, fried zucchini, you name it – if you fried it, we ate it. On the exercise-front, golf is Dad’s game; golf and arm chair horse racing. Exercising to Dad is golfing after a soaking rain and having to keep the golf-cart on the cart path, making the walk to the ball his "work-out".
Needless to say, that doctor was talking about making big life changes and, for a while – about 3 months – Dad did change. After three months he started to feel like his old self and the better he felt the less he stuck with the new regime. Before long, things were back to “normal”. Follow ups with the doctor and his continued instructions about diet and exercise didn’t get him to change. “Encouragement” (read nagging) from the rest of us didn’t work. Even when he had to go back for an angioplasty a few years ago; that wasn't enough for him to change. Now, fast forward to 2007; his 20-year old bypassed arteries are now in a worse state than the originals.
Is my Dad unique? Is his willful “ignorance” of the facts or fear of death unusual? Surprisingly no, it is not unusual at all; quite common in fact. Alan Deutschman’s book is a fascinating business/psychological look at change. In Change or Die he asks the reader to consider being faced with a real life and death choice.
“What if a well-informed, trusted authority figure said you had to make difficult and enduring changes in the way you think, feel and act? If you didn’t, your time would end soon-a lot sooner than it had to. Could you change when change really mattered?” Scientifically studied odds are nine to one. Left on your own, nine times out of ten you would NOT be able to make the change.
The apparent inability or unwillingness to change is a characteristic that is common to many of us, even those of us– or especially those of us not facing a medical life or death quandary but who are faced with the life or death of our business, our relationship, our dreams.
“Willpower isn’t the answer. Knowing the facts doesn’t make a difference. Being forced doesn’t work – once the force is gone the change is gone. Denial takes care of the fear so fear doesn’t work either. How CAN one make lasting change? Using Deutschman’s terminology from Change or Die, the three keys to lasting change are:
“Change Key #1 - RELATE
You form a new, emotional relationship with a person or community that inspires and sustains hope. “If you face a situation that a reasonable person would consider “hopeless”, you need the influence of seemingly “unreasonable” people to restore your hope. These partners, mentors, role models are sources of new knowledge and make you believe that you can change. They expect that you will change."
“Change Key #2 - REPEAT
The new relationship helps you learn, practice and master the new habits and skills that you’ll need. It takes a lot of repetition over time before new patterns of behavior become automatic and seems natural-until you act the new way without even thinking about it. "
“Change Key #3 – REFRAME
The new relationship helps you learn new ways of thinking about your situation and your life. Ultimately, you look at the world in a way that would have been so foreign to you that it wouldn’t have made any sense before you changed."
Relate – Repeat – Reframe.
The work we do at Bold Vision Consulting is based on helping small business owners and professionals make lasting changes in themselves so they see lasting changes they need in their professional and personal life.
Do business a new way with new hope, new skills and new thinking.
www.BoldVisionConsulting.com
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