Do you adjust your style to connect ideally with each customer’s personality style? Those people who are most effective at providing customer service – and most effective in human relations – possess interpersonal flexibility.

They can quickly discern enough about another person to adjust their own style to mesh with the other person’s communication style.

Let me give you two quick examples…

I was observing a call center rep at a client recently and within 5 minutes heard…

A caller who spoke in a strong, fast paced, assertive style. She projected a no nonsense “let’s get this order processed” manner.

The next caller was a southern gentlemen possessing the archetypal southern drawl and slow paced manner.

Now, many people would interact with these two people in the same way. Their interaction would be a reflection of their own personality and interpersonal style, rather than a response to each caller’s style. While there’s nothing wrong with that, using a “one size fits all” approach reduces your effectiveness.

Why? Because we connect most easily with people who are like us. I remember years ago a workshop leader saying “At the unconscious level, ‘I like you’ means ‘You’re like me.’”

So for instance, if you’re a high energy, outgoing person, you probably like high energy, outgoing people. It’s very likely that slower talking and moving people frustrate or bore you. Conversely, if you’re very soft spoken and deliberate in your speech and manner, you might find people who are loud and talk fast a bit overbearing.

If you can’t relate to these examples, think about particular communication or personality styles that rub you the wrong way.

Some people we connect with automatically, others we don’t.

Well, your customers are the same way. Your particular style meshes with a certain percentage of the population, it’s tolerable to others, and it clashes with others. You can increase the percentage of people you connect well with, by recognizing different personality styles and what they respond best – and worst – to, and then knowing how to adapt.

Tony Allesandra, author of People Smarts, calls this The Platinum Rule. Rather than communicating in ways that work for us (a communications version of the Golden Rule), the Platinum Rule means communicating in ways that work best for the other person’s communication style.

Now this doesn’t mean being a chameleon. It doesn’t mean for the Southern gentlemen you would respond “Well hi thar… how ya’all doin’ today?” and if the next caller was a British gent, you would then speak in a British accent.

It means for the first caller, you would speak in a faster, more assertive tone of voice to match hers. Speaking in a faster more assertive tone of voice not only makes her feel more comfortable (she can relate to you more easily) it also will probably be translated by her – consciously or unconsciously – into “This person is smart and competent and will get the job done right.” This person is also probably not someone who wants any chit chat or “relationship building”.

Conversely, with the slower talking Southern caller, if you typically have a rapid fire speech patter, you would want to slow your pace. If you have a strong or hard edged voice, you would want to soften it.

Doing this will help him feel comfortable with you. You’ll probably want to be more informal too, whereas the first caller’s style asks for a more formal, business tone.

These are just two examples of noticing and adjusting your interpersonal style. If you want to learn more about this, check out:

People Smarts by Tony Allesandra
The 4-Demensional Manager by Julie Straw
How to Mind Read Your Customers by David Snyder

Also, you might be interested in the upcoming seminar I’ll be giving in both South Portland and Lewiston titled…

“Now I Know Why They’re Acting That Way!”:
How to Understand and Work Effectively With People Having
Different Personality Styles

10/31/06 9AM-4:30 PM • S. Portland, ME
11/1/06 • 9AM-4:30PM • Lewiston, ME

For information, click here

In the meantime, practice noticing people's vocal styles and notice what ones are similar to yours and what ones are a stretch. Practice adjusting your style to match more closely those with different styles. Some things to notice include:

- speed
- volume
- informal vs. formal
- serious vs. playful
- hard vs. soft

In a future entry, we might explore personality styles

E-mail this entry to a friend